Stubborn Love
by PaperGanstah
Summary: AU. Dean Winchester is a bit of a drug and alcohol abuser. A few nights of mistakes and Dean learns he is HIV positive. He finds that he has pushed everyone away he turns to an old friend. Forgiveness may even be found for the lowest and some debts are more simply repaid than imagined. How do we define love? For those who can't find the words; actions may suffice. Dean/Cas/Benny.


**-Hey guys, Paperganstah here! I know I have been very quiet lately, but real life has made me its bitch. Here is a new story, now that I am out of school for the summer! I will try to update at least once a week. I figure this will give me a boost to finish my other stories as well. My goal is by the end of summer ****-**

**So this is a bit of a darker AU. Dean Winchester is a bit of a drug and alcohol abuser. A few nights of mistakes and Dean learns he is HIV positive. Now that he finds he has pushed everyone away he turns to an old friend. He learns that forgiveness may even be found for the lowest and some debts are more simply repaid than imagined. How do we define love? For those who can't find the words; actions may suffice. Dean/Benny/Cas. **

"Babe? We out of orange juice?" Benny's southern drawl filled the kitchen. "I swear I bought some the other day."

Castiel emerged from the bedroom; dark hair a mess and blue eyes still half open. "Check the pantry."

"That means it's warm." Benny pulled a face. "It tastes bad when it's warm."

"We have ice." As Benny continued to complain Castiel pulled out a glass and filled it with ice. He opened up the juice and filled the glass. "Get in the shower or you are going to be late."

"Darlin', what would I do without you?"

Castiel sighed. "I really don't care to think about it. You probably wouldn't even have pants on before you arrived at the station."

"And who's fault would that be, hmmm?" Benny kissed the side of Castiel's neck. "Get in the shower with me."

Castiel pulled away. "If I get in there no one is going to make breakfast. Studies say-"

"Yeah, yeah I know. Broken record, Castiel." Castiel looked miffed until he felt strong arms wrap around his waist. "Plus the boss is bringing donuts into the station today." Cas snorted and pulled away. "And no fat cop jokes from you."

"Not until you deserve it." Castiel leaned back into Benny. "And you won't if I make you real food instead of donuts."

Benny smiled and rested his chin on Castiel's tousled head. "Tryin' to logic me out of giving you the only orgasm you'll get in the next three days?"

Castiel sighed and pulled his t-shirt off. "Get in the shower." He grinned as Benny put the eggs back in the fridge in record time and pulled him in for a kiss. "You are so damn stubborn."

"I'll grab you something before I drop you off at the hospital." He opened the shower door for Castiel with a bow and the brunette laughed.

"Fine." Castiel stepped out of his pajamas and got under the cold spray. He shivered as he felt heat creep back into the water. "I'm going to miss you."

"Me too, pretty boy. I hate sharing you with that damn hospital."

Castiel tilted one side of his mouth into a half-smile. "I hate sharing you with those damn fat cops."

"You're gonna pay for that one." Benny kissed a full smile onto his face.

.

Dean Winchester reached for the bottle knowing full well that it was empty. A drop of amber rolled from one side of the glass to the other.

"Look man, are you even listening? Dean!"

"Yeah Sammy, I am. Don't I always listen to you?"

Sam rolled his eyes to the ceiling. "Come on Dean. I know how much you have done for me! I know! Believe me, I would do anything for you-" Dean laughed humorlessly and shook his head- "I would. Just not this."

"How long have you been planning on running away? No don't answer. It's all you ever do."

"I'm trying to live my life Dean! I can't just sit here with a bottle and wait for us to drink ourselves to death. I can't waste my life like this!"

Dean gritted his teeth and punched the wall. The sound shocked them both into silence. Sam grabbed his suitcase and dragged it to the door.

"Sammy, I-damn it-" Dean got unsteadily to his feet as he wandered to the door. "Sammy don't go. I'm asking you to not go. Please."

Sam hunched his large shoulders and Dean was reminded of the little boy he used to be. He saw the little book worm that followed his brother's every step. In that moment he realized that is was time to let little Sammy go. He was caging him with his own misery. Sam was finally strong enough to escape.

"Sorry Dean." Sam hugged his stiff brother. "Take care of yourself for once, Dean." Then he was gone. He stepped into the warm night air and willed himself to not look back.

Dean didn't know how long he sat on the porch. He stumbled back into the motel hours or even minutes later. He was numb and needed a drink. Dean dug through his belongings and tore through every hiding spot. He found a small case of pills and forced a few down.

Dean closed his eyes and let the drugs pump through his body. When he opened his eyes he was nearly sick at what he saw. His father, haggard and pathetic, looked surprised back at him. Dean's heart jumped and sank before he realized what he was seeing. Himself. He was becoming his father. Dean ran his hands through his hair frantically as he tried to call Sam's cell phone.

An automated message reached his ears. Sam had changed his number. He didn't know when the sobs began put they racked his body painfully. He curled the phone to his chest. Sam didn't want him to drag him back into his messed up life. Dean knew he was being selfish. It hurt to know how his father must have felt before he could no longer look at anything but the bottom of a bottle.

His fingers found the buttons and he called the one last person he could think of.

"Benny? Hey brother. I need you, man." Dean felt the edges of his mind go fuzzy as he tried to listen to the voice on the other end. The phone hit the floor the same time as Dean's body.

.

Dean woke up in a warm bed. Someone was tangled up with him and he smiled. It seemed like he got lucky last night. Dean let his hands wander under the blankets and he gripped onto a fine ass. He opened his eyes slowly and they widened in surprise. He was cuddled up with a man. He was in bed with a very naked man. His messy hair was a deep brown and his soft pink mouth slightly open. He was gorgeous. Dean started to worry. Had he been too drunk to use a condom? Shit.

He tried to pull away but the guy just cuddled more. Dean realized that he was still molesting him and moved his hands higher. He was warm and the soft sound of the other man's breathing began to lull him back into sleep.

Dean felt himself forced back into consciousness. The warm body next to him was wrenched away. "Huh? Wazz going on?" He looked around blearily as his mind tried to make sense of things.

"Who the hell are you and what are you doing in my bed?" The brunette was awake and clinging to the bed sheet he had haphazardly wrapped around himself. His blue eyes blazed with anger.

Dean was in shock. He had never seen eyes that deep blue color before. He shook his head and realized that blue-eyes was looking for an answer. "I-I'm sorry dude. I don't even know where I am."

Castiel looked incredulous at him. "You. You stay right there." He backed up slowly and hurried to the kitchen. He tried to quietly dig out a knife. Blade in hand, he trembled as he made his way back to the bedroom.

Dean's eyes bugged. "Shit! Man, what are you doing with that knife? I surrender or whatever." Dean put his hands in the air.

"Tell me the truth. How did you get in here, and what was your intent?"

Dean shook his head in amazement. "Dude, I don't know! Put down that knife before you hurt someone."

Castiel's eyes narrowed. "Give me a reason not to hurt you." A phone rang in another room and Castiel turned in response. It was all Dean needed. He tackled the smaller man to the ground and wrestled the knife out of his hand. Dean tossed it out of the way.

"I am not here to hurt you. I-" Dean realized that he had pinned the other man into the carpet with his hips. Well…this was awkward. They were now both tangled in the bed sheet. Castiel glared at him, wrists pinned above his head and face flushed with embarrassment and anger.

"Let go of me." Castiel wiggled and Dean was tempted to grind back into his body. He felt heat creep into his groin and hurriedly pulled away.

"Okay! Okay." Dean sat back breathlessly. "Put some clothes on and maybe we can talk about this like not-crazy people?"

Castiel studied him for a moment with his eyes narrowed and full bottom lip between his teeth. He sighed and nodded. "That does seem to be our most logical option. Turn around."

"What so now you trust me?" Dean looked incredulous.

"No, but I have no other option. Additionally, you could have killed me instead when you had the knife."

Dean nodded. "Ummm yeah. That's right."

"Turn around."

Dean chuckled. "It's not like I haven't already seen everything."

Castiel gave him a withering look before he pulled clothes out of a drawer. Dean watched him pull a pair of sweats over his slim ass. His sharp hip bones barley held the material up. Castiel found a discarded t-shirt on a chair and forced it over his ruffled hair.

"Get in the kitchen." Castiel disappeared down the hallway.

Dean followed, amused. "Mmm bossy. I like it."

Castiel ignored his comment. He pulled bacon out of the fridge as Dean took a seat at the table. "So…I just realized that I don't even know your name."

"Castiel." He proceeded to get the coffee started as bacon sizzled in the pan.

"What kind of name is that?"

Castiel turned and stared at him for a moment. Dean waited for him to blink and was rather unnerved when he didn't. He also noticed that Castiel didn't ask him about his name. "I'm Dean."

Castiel blinked once. "Hello Dean." He returned to frying the bacon as Dean grinned.

"Hi Cas." Dean stretched and got up. He noticed a piece of paper on the fridge.

_Hey Babe._

_The man in our bed is Dean Winchester. Sorry I didn't ask, but he needs us. He's going through a bit of a rough patch and he's a friend. I'll bring dinner home tonight. _

_P.S. Don't offer him any beer. _

_P.P.S. I made up the guest bed after I tucked him in. I figured he could use it tonight instead of ours._

_Love,_

_Benny_

Dean read the note and passed it to Castiel. "You know Benny? Benny Lafitte?"

Castiel eyed him curiously and skimmed over the note. "Of course I know him. We live together."

"What? Like in a couple sort of way?" Dean looked shocked.

"Yes." Castiel folded up the note and tossed it in the trash. "How did the two of you become acquainted?" Castiel pushed a mug of hot coffee towards Dean.

Dean took the cup. "We used to be best friends. The guy saved my back when we were in Afghanistan. Neither of us went back after that first term. We tried to be friends on the outside and I guess it didn't work out?"

"Why?" Castiel poured a large amount of cream and sugar into his coffee.

"What do you mean Cas?"

"Why aren't you friends now? Benny…he's wonderful. And he's mentioned you a few times. It sounds like you are wonderful as well."

Red colored Dean's ears. "Well I ain't wonderful Cas, not even close. I've done some really terrible shit."

"Everything is worth forgiving." Castiel passed a hand over his forehead.

"Are you okay? Dude you look a bit peaked." Dean placed a hand on the other man's shoulder.

Castiel nodded. "Yes. Just tired. More bacon?"

"Yes please." Dean grinned as Castiel filled up his plate with eggs and toast as well. "Are you thinking of running a B and B here or something?"

Castiel looked confused. "No. An apartment is hardly the location and I already have an occupation."

"What do you do?"

"I am a pediatric surgeon over at St. Pete's. And you?" Dean couldn't help but watch as Castiel licked a stray drop of coffee off of his lip. "Dean?"

Dean scratched the back of his neck awkwardly. "Oh erm… I'm sorta between jobs right now."

"That is understandable. The economy is not at its peak." Castiel glanced curiously at Dean. "Why did you not remember coming here with Benny last night?"

"I was in a bad place last night Cas. You don't need to know any more than that."

Castiel nodded and gathered up clothes from the bedroom. He filled up the washing machine as Dean finished his breakfast. "You can borrow some clothes from the closet. Hand me yours."

Dean passed over his shirt and climbed out of his jeans. "Do you mind if I grab a shower?"

"Not at all. There are some spare toothbrushes in there. And use the razor in there so the next time you sneak in my bed I don't mistake you for my boyfriend."

Dean looked surprised at Cas until he saw the small smile he offered. Dean grinned back. "Thanks Cas."

Dean was still grinning as he turned on the water. The room began to fill with steam and Dean hunted down the razor. A beard had started on his face and made him look older. He surveyed his scruffy face. No wonder Cas had crawled into bed with him last night. The Benny Dean remembered was rarely if ever clean shaven.

He opened to cabinet to find shaving cream and stopped cold. The cabinet was crammed with medications. Cas said he was a doctor. That was it…right? Dean recognized a bottle and picked it up with a shaking hand. _Tenofovir_. He set it down. _Abacavir_. _Interleukin-7_… He replaced the pill bottles before they made him sick. He had a similar set of cocktails in his own apartment.

Dean remembered the night he had spent with Benny, less than a year before. How long had Castiel and Benny been together? Did Cas sleep alone the night Benny took Dean into his bed? Dean placed his hands on the counter. Dean gave it to Benny. One dirty needle and his friend…did he unknowingly infect Cas too? He jumped when he heard Cas tunelessly humming in another room. Dean grabbed one of the bottles: Benny Lafitte. He grabbed another of the same drug: Castiel Novak.

Dean sank to the floor. One night of idiocy and weakness. It was just _one_ night. He grimaced as he once more replaced the bottles. He wouldn't be able to stay there. How could he look at the two men that had taken him in knowing that they had AIDS. Knowing that if he had never been present in their lives…Dean climbed into the shower and cried.


End file.
